Well friends, here we are.

Officially in the second trimester of my third pregnancy, and still very much in the fourth trimester of my second pregnancy.

I have a lot of feelings about this, and it’s not something I really ever thought about until I was in the thick of it. 

Recovery with a preemie, I really believe, is a little bit different. I only have my own experience to speak about, but I have heard from other preemie mommas that this has been true for them too. It’s as if our “fourth trimester” lasts longer because we never truly finished our third trimester. With Cece, my third trimester was supposed to end around the end of August, but by that time, she had already been with us for over a month and a half. And then she stayed so small, and in the “newborn” phase for SO MUCH LONGER than the full term baby. In fact, she turns one year next month and she really is only about six months developmentally. Making us very much still at the end of what many would call the fourth trimester.

Getting pregnant when Cece was so little was also a huge blessing, of course. I knew the moment she came into this world that she was not my last. I had vivid visions of birth again, newborn again, and a home full of more than two children. I don’t have good reasons, other than instinct, for this feeling. I never had this vision after Joey was born, but Cece created a new magic in our home that was missing, but we didn’t even know it. With that came a desire for more love, more birth, more… innocence. I seriously cannot get enough of these two kids, and a home full of vitality and growth and laughter is like an obsession now. I want more.

Adam was hesitant, to say the least. He knew, he will admit now, that there was a third baby to come at some point. He truly just didn’t want to admit it, unless he was a few beers deep with his friends and let the truth out. 

Needless to say, my emotions and hormones have been a disaster for the better part of two years. Cece’s pregnancy was an emotional roller coaster, especially of wanting to make it to term but also knowing she needed to come early, and with no explanation. Again, mom instinct coming in strong. 

And then an extended fourth trimester, exclusively nursing, and voila, pregnancy again.

To say I don’t know what it feels like to feel normal is an understatement. I am very much looking forward to the day when my body feels like my own again. But I don’t want to miss a single second of this ride, because it’s everything I could have dreamed of and more.

But, back to the first trimester of pregnancy. Have mercy, this has been the roughest yet.

The fatigue, the nausea and the emotional hijacking have been almost more than I could handle. I have been more than relieved the last two weeks as they have started to subside and that second trimester goodness kicks in. Though I highly doubt I’ll have that burst of energy I had with my other two pregnancies, I’m happy to at least not be feeling like crap. 

I wanted to touch on a few things, both tangible and not, that have really helped me this time around. None of which were things I felt I needed before. 

First, I have had to dig really deep for the desire to communicate this time around. With Adam, with my friends, with myself, with God. I have wanted to withdraw, completely, the last few months. Whether it be from world issues, not feeling well, hormones, whatever, I have totally been inward and most of the time, it wasn’t in a good way. 

No one was able to help me if I didn’t tell them what I needed. Once I realized this, it took major discipline and vulnerability to be able to open up. I told Adam that I needed sleep. Nothing else. Just sleep. And silence. And he was able to help me get that. I told Tasha I needed to talk without judgement. She let me. I wanted to stop caring about what I looked like on social media, so I said so and was embraced wholeheartedly. 

Being able to communicate my needs, irrational or not, was what I needed. And once I started doing that, I realized quickly that my loved ones had been patiently waiting to hear me, and were ready to help.

Second, I took medicine. You guys, nausea is no joke. And when you’ve got two kids, a full time job and a life to live, sometimes it’s more than one can handle. A friend gave me some dramamine when I was pregnant with Cece and I never took it. This time, I did. And whether you believe it to be safe or not, (I do believe it was fine), let me tell you, I think it was better than being miserable and worthless. Or hovering over the toilet. Or losing weight because I couldn’t eat anything. It was particularly bad for about a week around week 9, and dramamine saved my life.

A few other things that have seriously affected me positively that I have felt safe putting in my body:

Arbonne Fiber Boost and Digestion Plus. 

Pregnancy constipation sucks. Let’s just be honest. This helped.

Raw green juice. 

Some say it’s not good to drink raw juices when pregnant, but I figure if it’s as fresh as a salad, I’m in the clear. Anything green has been huge turnoff unless it’s ice cold and in liquid form, so I went with green juice. I buy mine local, but if in a pinch, the Trader Joes one isn’t terrible.

Blackberries and Peaches.

That’s it. Pretty much what I’ve been living on. 

Magnesium. 

Natural Vitality’s Calm is seriously a life saver. I get REALLY restless when pregnant, this time being no exception. And I’ve been taking the CALM capsules at night and they have been amazing. I also take a quick shot of magnesium during the day if I start to feel anxious, dehydrated or restless.

Whole Milk.

When I was pregnant with Joey, a Trader Joes employee asked me what my biggest craving had been. I replied, looking down at my cart with three gallons of whole milk in it, and said, milk. Guess what? Currently drinking at least half a gallon a day right now.

In all honesty folks, that’s about all my news for this first trimester. There’s been so many other things going on (more to come on that), that I really haven’t had a whole lot of time or energy to invest into this moment in time. I’ve been anxious to feel better, excited about a Christmas baby, and honestly, ready to move onto the next stages. 

A few quick answers I know many of you want to know:

• No, we are not finding out the gender! We like the surprise.

• Yes, we have names picked out, and are waiting until baby gets here to share them.

• Yes, I’ve already been nesting. Although, I don’t really feel like that ever stopped after Cece.

• I am most scared about postpartum hair loss. Seriously. Biggest concern of this whole ordeal.

• Yes, I think the baby will be early. I have yet to carry a baby to term.

• Currently wearing Old Navy linen shorts and maternity t shirts. Probably will wear the exact same three outfits on repeat until it’s cold enough to put on sweaters. Never wearing jeans again, tbh.

• Yes, we are going to have a baby shower, because I have a few things on our list that we definitely need. And mostly, I want to have a party. 

• And no, I have no idea what I’m supposed to do about my car situation. Really want to keep the Jeep. Realizing this may not be feasible. I’ve only cried over it like, a dozen times. I’m fine.

Xo

Nicole